The Power to Change
Personal Reflection by Nayaswami Pushpa
Over the past few years I have felt apathy for daily living on this planet. It started just before Covid. I got laid off when we had to close The Expanding Light Retreat, and my prospects were not looking good, mainly due to impaired health and age.
I felt a dark energy approaching. There was an increase in violence throughout the world, wrought both by man and nature. There were many spoken and unspoken threats by people “in power.” Depression, anxiety, and apathy followed—all symptoms of Parkinson’s disease. I felt hopeless and powerless. I had hit rock bottom. I felt like Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita, overwhelmed by the thought of tackling the negativity in the world and within me. My bow slipped from my hand. I couldn’t fight it anymore. It was just too much!
I gradually came to the conclusion that while I remain here in this physical world I might as well start digging myself out, because I really wasn’t enjoying life. I reapplied myself to my spiritual practices with a new attitude. I wanted to rekindle the passion, love, and devotion that I had felt for so many years, and which had faded due to neglect. I prayed repeatedly to Master to show me the way out.
Then, in one of Nayaswami Devi’s blogs, I found the following quote by Yogananda, “Life is a battle for joy every step of the way. May I fight to win the battle on the very spot where I now stand.” I realized why I had been having such a hard time. I had been trying to find a way out: to avoid suffering. But I needed to find the way in—and face my delusion.
I was looking intently at a large photo of my guru, placed close to where I was seated. I suddenly had the thought that if Master and Swamiji were with me and they asked me, “Will you fight for me until death?”—referring to the fight to overcome darkness by spreading God’s light to uplift consciousness—I knew I would answer immediately, “Yes, of course!”
I realized it was absolutely true: there was no doubt in my mind that I would answer that way. It is my dharma. I felt a surge of power run through me. I remembered I was Arjuna—devotee everyman—the great warrior. I had to fight. It was MY delusion, MY battle!
Devotee everyman’s fight for dharma
I picked up my great bow, and with Krishna—God— driving my chariot I was once again ready to fight the good fight! Because that’s what I signed up for in this lifetime, and Master and Swamiji are with me—always.
Let us channel the power of our teachings and uplift world consciousness. “Yato dharma, Sthato jaya”—”Where there is adherence to right attitude and action, there is victory.” Are you ready to fight your delusion? Is your bow at the ready?
