A reader writes: My beloved died earlier this month, and I am unable to cease fascinated by ending this hell. I do know I ought to keep right here for my children – they do not should lose one more mother or father and can be devastated. However I am unable to see occurring like this. Even for yet one more week. It is simply unimaginable. I am on antidepressants and sedatives, however I nonetheless really feel frantic with ache, grief and loneliness. Is that this regular? Will I make it? Ought to I even make it? Or wouldn’t it be simpler to simply give up now? I am unable to even deliver myself to choose up the telephone and speak to anybody.
My response: My pal, you say you are having ideas of suicide and you may’t cease fascinated by ending this hell. Needless to say no matter ideas and emotions you are having are neither proper or unsuitable, good or dangerous, they usually’re not at all times rational ~ they simply are, and in your personal psychological well being it is necessary to acknowledge them and categorical them. I wish to commend you for doing precisely that: acknowledging and expressing your ideas of suicide. Many if not most grieving folks have these exact same ideas, however they’re terribly afraid to share them for worry of being thought to be over-reacting or loopy, or for worry of scaring different folks.
You say you surprise if you’ll make it by means of this grief of yours. Simplistic as it might appear, the way in which you may make it’s by doing it sooner or later at a time, and if that’s an excessive amount of, you do it one hour and even one minute at a time. One elementary fact that I hope you may settle for is that there isn’t a proper or unsuitable method to do that factor referred to as grief. There’s solely your method, and you have to uncover that method for your self. Others can share with you all of the issues we have discovered and performed and tried to assist ourselves alongside the way in which, however it’s as much as you to choose and select what works for you and discard what doesn’t. Simply know that to do nothing, to easily let time go as if “time heals all wounds,” is barely to delay the work that must be performed. The passage of time does nothing to heal grief ~ it’s what we do with the time that issues.
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© by Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT, BC-TMH
